5 facts about how Japanese flirt with foreigner

Sep 22, 2017

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‘Getting a Japanese boyfriend/girlfriend’ should be one of the biggest dream of foreigners who are living in Japan. However, if you have talked to local Japanese, you should notice that Japanese people have unique culture and characteristic that you cannot see in other countries. In order to understand the nature of Japanese, you need to study a lot of complex ideas, such as uchi and soto, honne and tatemae. That is why when I talked to many foreign friends, they all said that it is really difficult to touch the core of Japanese people and get along with them. However, if you are going to stay in Japan, I am sure that you do not want to go back to your country before you get a Japanese lover. Therefore, this article is written for those who really want to get a girl friend in Japan.

Japanese are not shy

Most of you would think that Japanese people are shy. It is true that compared to other nationalities, Japanese people are shy, and they hesitate to express their feelings. However, there are also many Japanese who are very outgoing.

If you have Japanese friends who like to hang out with foreign people, most of them are much more open then other normal Japanese. Based on my personal point of view, those who love to hang out with foreigners tend to be ‘pari pi’, party people. They are bored with the life in Japan, and they start to seek new challenges. They want to enjoy more ‘Westernized’ lifestyle; like most international students do, they start going to the club. They also start going to British Pub instead of Izakaya and start listening to English R&B Songs.  What I am trying to say is that if you think that all Japanese boys and girls are quiet and shy, it is not true. There are actually many outgoing people that want to date a foreigner, because some of them think that foreign culture is really cool! Getting a Japanese lover is not that difficult, because they are also looking forward to get a foreign boyfriend or girlfriend.

How to know if a Japanese guy like you

Getting a Japanese lover might not be as hard as you think, but understand your Japanese lover is way harder than you think. Now I am going to talk about how can you tell if a Japanese guy/girl likes you or not. As a Japanese guy, I am going to tell you how Japanese behave when he or she has a crush on someone based on my own personal experience and my friends’ experience. Although this cannot be applied to all the people, but it would give you a general idea on how Japanese people act.

When he/she asks you something through message

When Japanese fall in love with someone, of course the first thing they want to do is to text their crush. However, Japanese people wouldn’t text their  crush with no reason. Japanese people always make up some excuses to text their crush; They ask about homework, work, or even tomorrow’s weather in order to have a reason to talk to them. Therefore, if someone ask you ‘what’s tomorrow’s homework?’ or ‘Are you ready for your test?’ through LINE, there is a chance that he or she has some kind of special feeling towards you. Of course, there is a chance that he or she thinks that you are a good person to ask because you are smart. However, it is always good to start some conversation after he or she has finished his or her questions.

When he/she does not text you back too quickly

When you start a conversation with a guy/girl through LINE. You might think that if somebody likes you, he or she may want to text you back asap, but Japanese people tend to intentionally wait few minutes after they have noticed a new message. This is because they are trying to hide their feeling from you. They do not  want to think that they are always looking at the phone and waiting for your message. On the other hand, if you get a reply very quickly, it might means that he or she has no feeling towards you. If you wait for 2,3 days and still can’t get a reply, he or she may think that you are annoying! This also really depends on the person, so it might not apply to some people!


When he/she does not ask your last train

When you go out and drink with your friend, and he or she does not ask you for your last train, it means that he or she wants to stay with you as long as possible. You need to be careful if where you two meet and drink is really close to his or her house. When you guys go to drink, if he or she has a crush on you, he or she might want to make you drink more. Therefore, if you get a chance to go drink with your Japanese friend, try mention the time of your last train and see what kind of reaction you get.


After reading my article, I think you have understood that sometimes Japanese people act exactly the opposite way as they feel, and that makes many foreigner confused because they have no idea Japanese people are thinking about. Understanding Japanese people is difficult, and it becomes much more complicated if you want to date a Japanese. If you are able to get a Japanese lover, you will be able to have more chance to touch Japanese culture. On top of that your Japanese life will be happier!

If you have any concerns with your Japanese crush, you can leave your questions in the comment, and we can answer your questions through another article. Just feel free to ask any questions you felt when you were hanging out with your Japanese friends, boyfriend or girlfriend! Hope you all have a happy Japanese life!



Shun / Japan

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  • Lyn says:

    Hi, It was nice reading your article and it’s informative. I hope you don’t mind iifI will ask. I met someone via dating app but for the purpose or language exchange only. As I can speak english and the he can speak nihongo, via conversating with each other we can enhance my 3rd and his 2nd language.

    Due to consistent sms and meet up we got to knew each other and found out that we have many common interest. I admit that I was falling for him but I am confused. I never had BF since birth, no experience either. I don’t know if he likes me and he’s hard to read. I don’t know if he was telling the truth. I am 27, filipina, banker in my country. He is 49, japanese, engineer in an airline.

    I don’t know if he’s really single, no kids. I don’t know if he’s dating someone else. I don’t know. Coz I allot time for him and he was on rush sometimes
    even if it’s his yasumi. I invited him 2x to have some bonding with my family but he rejected my invitation. He said he will make way for him to be available but when I mention we will be with my sister and he has to pay for his own expenses (this is a group tour, we arepaid already) he changed his statement that he will ask his manager first. 2nd, its his yasumi. Me and my family will go to onsen, we invited him, he said he has to meet his friends. A lot of excuses.

    One day I got turned off on him to the point I stopped texting him. I felt disrespected that’s why I hated him. Then few days later he asked for my availability, he wanted to talk about us, that he like me, he will do everything for me, he will not disappoint me,. I said we need to know each other first.

    When we meet we don’t talked about US. We talked about his life. On sms, he’s telling me that he like me. One time he said he love me. Just one time. He wants me to be his girlfriend.

    He is very touchy and I’m not comfortable with that, he sometimes hug me without consent(i don’t hug back), we sometimes holding hands while walking which is fine but when my hands is in my pocket his arms will be on my shoulder or hips.

    Here is my question
    Do he really likes me as his future partner in life? Till we both get old ?

    Honestly, I feel like he doesn’t really like me. He just want something I cannot give to him or anyone without marriage.

    Please feel free to ask. Apologies for long message.

    Lyn of Yokohama

    • Reply for Lyn
      Guidable Writers says:

      Hey Lyn!
      Sorry for the very late reply!
      Hopefully, you haven’t gone too far with him or done anything you are regretting because, from the message you sent, he seems like he just wants to use you. Does he like you? yes, most likely. But, is it genuine and is he single? No.
      From what I read, it seems he just wants to use you and then when he gets what he wants he will most likely disappear. He is hiding a lot and from the excuses he is making, I think he might be married.

      I do hope I was still able to help and please let me know if you have more questions!

  • Ve says:

    I’m an exchange student and this is my second month in Japan. Since the first day of university, one of my classmates treats me kindly and he’s always there to help me. At the start, I thought that he only wanted to be a good classmate, because my Japanese is bad and nobody else wanted to talk to me. His English is even worse than my Japanese, but he always comes to me to speak even for a few minutes.
    He told me that he has to go to San Francisco for three weeks in September, so, even if my English isn’t perfect, I volunteered to help him with the language. Now we speak in Japanese and in English. A day we stayed alone until 7 pm at school to study. That day we had a lot of light touches and he waited for my bus with me.
    Usually, he laughs every time I say something remotely funny.
    I often buy Poki and I always offer one to him and a day he asked me to feed him because he had has his hands dirty of paint.
    I feel his eyes on me frequently, but I don’t know if it’s my imagination or what.
    The only bad thing it’s that I texted him twice asking something about school and both times he left my last text unread and without an answer.
    I think I feel something for him, but even if I’m a joyful person I’m hopeless in this kind of situation and I don’t know what to do.
    I’m looking forward to your opinion, it could really help me. Thank you!!

  • Momo says:

    I am talking to a Japanese girl and it takes hours for her to reply, not minutes, so we text daily, but 2 to 4 messages from each of us per day. I think it’s the same as waiting for few minutes as hours. I think she likes me back, bc I like her. I need to find the right time to make kokuhaku with her. <3


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