[:en]Things you Should Know before going to a Gokon[:it]Cose da Sapere prima di andare ad un Gokon[:] | Guidable - Your Guide to a Sustainable, Wellbeing-centred Life in Japan

Things you Should Know before going to a Gokon

By Guidable Writers Oct 31, 2017

This post is also available in: Italian


If you are already in Japan, you might have heard about Gokon (合コン). Gokon is a party held by someone who’s looking for a chance to meet new people. And the main purpose of Gokon is to try and find your loved one. In Japan, if you want to meet someone new, what you can do is get together with you friends and hold this special type of party. In this article, I will give you some important tips on how to make the most of Gokon. You may also find “the one” you’re looking for!


1.What is Gokon?

First of all, for people who are not familiar with Gokon, let me help you understand what it actually is. Gokon is a party held by girls and boys, who are looking for opportunities to meet new people. Most Gokons consist of small groups like 3 women and 3 men, each group having the same number as the other group. That way, even though you cannot find any new people who will join the party, both you and your friends can get a chance to find a lover. Usually, Gokons are drinking parties. However, you will also have dinner with your friends and with new people, and have great conversations.

2.Hidden rules you have to know before Gokon



In Gokon, there are some underlying rules during the party. You have to be careful not to break them! So here’s how you can avoid doing that. Firstly, you have to make sure that you are not late. If you are a girl, make sure to do your make-up and dress up in time, way before the party starts. It does not leave others with a good impression if you are not on time or are not prepared and dressed up when you get there. You might think that you will be able to go to the bathroom and do your make-up there after everyone gets seated. But you have to think about the atmosphere that that would create at the party. If you go to the toilet to finish your make-up right after meeting new people for the first time, it would ruin the atmosphere, because the groups will continue with uneven numbers, like three boys but only two girls. Those two girls might be excited to talk with everyone in there. So make sure you are ready for the party before it starts and be on time!


Introduce yourself briefly



After everyone gets seated, you will start to introduce yourself to the others because most of the people who are there do not know who you are. But don’t try to explain everything about yourself right away. Give a brief introduction. You might think that a long speech would be appealing to the other people, but it might actually have the opposite effect. In Gokon, people are sometimes required to be patient and listen to someone else’s story in order to make them feel comfortable. So the same thing could also be said to you when you’re speaking about yourself.


Do not talk too much only with you friends



When you have a conversation, make sure that everyone can follow the story line.When you are asked to join a group for Gokon, there is probably going to be someone who you already know. You might have some common topics that only you and your friend know, but you have to make sure that you do not talk too much with each other about things that the other people may not know about. If everyone else does not understand what you and your friend are talking about, people will get bored and might feel that they do not want to meet you again.

When you want to go to the toilet, do not take your friends with you



In Gokon, it is preferred if you go to the toilet by yourself. Or if there is someone who wants to go at the same time, one of you has to wait until the other comes back. The reason for this is to keep everyone in a good mood and keep the conversation going. You have to think about the people who are left at the table after you went to the toilet. What if both you and your friend leave and at the table there’s only one girl with three boys? That girl, while waiting for you to come back, might feel tired having to talk with everyone else at the same time.


Do not drink too much



At a Gokon, you are most likely going to have dinner along with some alcohol. If you are shy, you might want to keep drinking a lot in order to cheer and open yourself up. You might sometimes be successful by pursuing this strategy, but most of the times, if you get really drunk, you won’t get any opportunities to speak with other guys or girls. Nobody wants to take care of someone who is very drunk, especially if they have met for the first time. So make sure you don’t drink too much!


Exchange your contact information with everyone even if you are not interested in them

During a Gokon you might find someone you want to get to know more, so the next step would be exchanging each other’s contact details. However, make sure that you pass your contact information to everyone you meet at the party. First, at a Gokon, you might not be able to talk with everyone, and there might be someone you haven’t met who likes you without you noticing it. Second, a common Japanese trait is to make sure that there are no problems within a group. Because of this, if you exchange your contact details with only one person, the other people might feel uncomfortable about not being asked the same. You don’t have to regularly send messages to everyone after the party. However, simply texting “hi” after you get someone’s contact would be a nice idea!



If you are asked to join a Gokon, you have to be aware that there are some important points you should keep in mind before going there. Once you understand the hidden rules for Gokons, you will definitely enjoy taking part in it and look forward to meeting someone new again. It can also be a great opportunity to find your Japanese lover, so don’t hesitate to join a Gokon. You will certainly find someone there!


nottie/ Japan